Today is just one of those days where I had to force myself to get out of bed. I just want to sleep all day long and make the pain go away. This all came on pretty randomly. I don't know why it's hitting me now, but it is.

You see, Tristan and I broke up a little over a week ago. I was actually really happy to have it be over. I've wanted it to be over for a long time. Actually, it was over from the moment that bastard hit me several months back. I never forgave him for that. It was just the last straw, I couldn't take it anymore. I told him many times that I wanted to break up, but he just kept on pretending like nothing ever happend. I finally kicked him out because he refused to get a job, and then I ended it. He is still trying to get back together with me, telling me how much he loves me and how everything will be okay when we are together again. I don't want to be with him again. I don't love him enough to spend the rest of my life with him.

But there is the problem, I still do love him. He was my best friend, my only friend really that I could hang out with and talk to. We were together a fucking year and a half... and even though he treated me like shit I still fucking love him. Why? I just want it to go away. I want him to go away. I want to move on with my life and be happy. I'm trying so hard, I really am. I'm trying hard to be strong and do what I know I need to do: distance myself from him. It's just so hard.

Someone please just make the pain go away.